Things have been tough since we moved. The dreams we had when moving here seem to be just as far away as they were before we left. Leif is still having a hard time finding work, which isn't too surprising given the market up here. But he is incredibly talented and damn good at what he does and it has been disappointing that he hasn't even had the opportunity to demonstrate this to any potential employers yet. It's only been four months since we moved but we are both wondering what the future holds for us here.
I also miss my family and that is no big shocker. This is the first year I haven't spent the holiday with them. Leif's family doesn't celebrate Christmas -they're Bahaii- and so we got together with friends for Christmas Eve and Christmas dinners. We were a raggedy bunch of Holiday Orphans, which was wonderful in its own way. If you can't spend the holidays with family certainly the next best thing is to spend it with friends who know how to have a good time.
And, as always, I miss our son. I can't help but wonder who he would be at this age, 2 1/2 years old. The holidays are always difficult when there is someone missing. That never changes no matter where or with whom you are spending the holiday.
In light of what has been going on Leif and I made an extra effort to turn up the Christmas cheer. We (and I'm sure you all know that what I really mean is Leif) cut our own Christmas Tree a few weeks ago when my mom came for a visit, I made wreaths out of trimmings from the tree, decorated the mantle, and made salt dough ornaments and garlands. Elvis Christmas carols were on the playlist here all month long and Elf made its yearly appearance on our television as well. It was all very Merry and Bright.
And honestly, things are fine. Despite my anxiety about the future, our present is beautiful. I love my husband and my daughter. I feel a tremendous amount of gratitude for having both of them in my life and for having a job that can keep us financially stable while things get settled with Leif's work situation. There are so many reasons for me to be happy this holiday season and right now, as I type this, I can hear the two biggest reasons in the back playing and laughing together.